I just had dinner with J2, the man who still feels like the love of my life. After kissing him good night, I couldn’t help but think back to this night, and so many of the magical memories we shared together. I treasure the times we spend together, but they’re also a bit bittersweet because I know they are fleeting.  I want to start making those memories with a new man, someone I adore–and he adores me–someone I can grow old with.  I just hope I haven’t missed my chance.

1. Before the industrial revolution, most people never traveled more than 30 miles from their home. How far from your birth place do you now live? According to Mapquest, 782.19 miles away.

2. What is the fartherest distance from home you have you have ever had sex or an orgasm? What is there farthest distance you have travelled from your home to have a sexual encounter? I wouldn’t say I’ve traveled very far exclusively to have sex. (In the days when I did booty calls, the men usually lived just a few blocks away.) But I’ve regularly flown more than 2,000 miles to meet a boyfriend and I’ve had some 3,500 mile flights, too.

3. How many states (or Canadian provences or your country’s geopolitical division) and counties have you had sex and/or an orgasms in? In the US: I’ve had sex in 9 states, I think. (Too many orgasms to count!) Canada: Just one province. Countries other than the US and Canada where I’ve had sex: 4 or 5, I think.

4. Have you ever had sex in a vehicle? While the vehicle was moving? Penetration? No and no.

5. Do you have any travel related fantasy? If so, share, please. I imagine being in a car with a boyfriend who has my skirt pulled up and my shirt unbottoned, reaching over to touch as we drive (safety first!) or telling me to play with myself. I can envision him pulling over on an isolated road, telling me to get out of the car and bend over. He walks around to my side, gives my ass a few smacks or takes me quickly or puts my butt plug  in before making me get back into the car and continue on our drive. Does that count as a travel related fantasy?

Bonus: On holidays that honor our military do you tend to rememeber those currently serving or veterans of military service? I think it’s important to remember both.

Being your slave what should I do but tend,
Upon the hours, and times of your desire?
I have no precious time at all to spend;
Nor services to do, till you require.
Nor dare I chide the world-without-end hour,
Whilst I, my sovereign, watch the clock for you,
Nor think the bitterness of absence sour,
When you have bid your servant once adieu;
Nor dare I question with my jealous thought
Where you may be, or your affairs suppose,
But, like a sad slave, stay and think of nought
Save, where you are, how happy you make those.
So true a fool is love, that in your will,
Though you do anything, he thinks no ill.

I’m not answering some of these questions for this one, since it seems like it was written by a 15-year-old.

3. Dominate or dominated, which do you prefer? To be dominated, of course.
4. Would you/ Have you ever had a threesome? No, though it’s a great fantasy.
5. When was the last time you had sex? January 23 or 24. It was the first time we’d had sex in months, and just a day or two before I learned he’d been cheating on me for months. (Yeah…sadly I wish I’d put the pieces together much earlier.)*
6. Sex on the first date…good or bad? No thanks. Maybe good for other people, but not for me.
7. Do you have any random or out of the ordinary turn ons? Other than things I write about in this blog? No, this pretty much covers it.
8. What attributes attract you to a potential partner. Honesty, intelligence, a great sense of humor, someone who’s dominant while also gentle & kind, the proverbial “tall, dark & handsome” (though I’ve been very happy with short, dark & handsome, too).

Omitted questions:

1. Have you ever had a sexual experience with the opposite sex?
2. When you see someone you like, how do you act, how do you get their attention?

* I’ll write about it sometime soon. I looked at some old posts recently, and was sad to see how many of the clues were actually there in my writing. It’s still a tough to deal with. If you look at the Stages of Grief, I’m somewhere between depression & acceptance.

1. What do find is the most exciting part of a new sexual encounter? The unknown. There’s something thrilling about NOT knowing someone’s routine. You never know what’s going to come next.

2. Do you have “a most exciting part of a sexual encounter” with a usual partner? When touches my pussy for the first time after having gotten me very turned on.

3. How open and honest are you about your life with someone you just met? I’m a fairly private person. I don’t tell my life story the moment I meet them.

4. How open and honest are you about your life with someone you work with? Again, I’m a fairly private person. I have honest conversations with co-workers, but that doesn’t mean they know every detail of my life.

5. How open and honest are you about your life with a casual acquaintance who lives in your neighborhood (or the parent a your child’s friend or…)? I’m honest, but not necessarily open. My neighbors know what I do for a living, but they’re not privy to every detail of my life.

1. What is your favorite charity? Do you you give your time or just money to that charity? I have one charity that gets most of my time & money. (I won’t name it specifically because it’s not that big and my work is pretty prominent.) But I support a number of causes, including a couple academic institutions, charities that do work with women & children, my church and a few animal-welfare organizations.

2. Describe your bed. What side do you sleep on? Queen sized. Great sheets, lots of pillows. I sleep on the right side. (Or the left, depending on how you want to look at it.)

3. How important is a partners kissing ability? Very!

4. Have you ever “taken advantage” of a person under the influence of alcohol? Have you ever been “taken advantage” of while under the influence of alcohol? Yes to both. But I can put up a good fight if I need to, even if I’m under the influence.

5. Ever tried to replay the famous scene from From Here to Eternity? How was it? Nope, never. (I don’t even know if I’ve seen the movie.)

Bonus (as in optional): What kind of birth control do you use? The pill.

1. What do you think is the un-sexiest part of the body? I think every body part has its appeal.

2. Toilet paper: over, under, or what the hell are you talking about? Under

3. Have you ever called in sick to stay in bed with a sexual partner? Not that I recall.

4. Did your parents have a “birds & bees” talk with you? If so, at what age? Not that I remember, though my parents would probably say we did have it.

5. What is one thing a someone could do to you to rock your world? Tell me he loves me (and mean it)!

1. When you sleep with someone, how much or how little contact do you like to have? Not sure if this is referring to physical or emotional contact, but I want a lot of both. I don’t do well with casual sex.
2. What do you think is a appropriate amount of time for a divorce parent to date before introducing the kids to the “new” “special” person in their life? It depends on a lot of factors. If I were a divorced parent, I’d only introduce my child (young or old) to a man I was dating exclusively and expected to remain in a relationship with.
3. Which ONE thing do you wish you had more of in bed… romance, experimentation or foreplay? Foreplay.
4. What do you thinks makes a kiss great? Physical chemistry and experience.
5. Describe your sex life in two words. Not enough.

Bonus (as in optional): Do you remember a time when you were having sex that you smile or even laugh about now? Do tell….

Years ago my then-boyfriend and I took a cruise. If you’ve ever cruised before, you know that you typically have a dedicated room attendant who takes care of your room every day of the cruise. He or she not only makes up the room, but turns down the bed, sometimes delivers room service and handles any special requests you might have. Our room attendant, a man, had been incredibly helpful to us. One night we were skipping dinner to have sex when our room attendant came into the room. (He knew we should have been at dinner at the time, hence the fact that he didn’t knock.) He immediately put his hands over his eyes and started to back out of the room while both apologizing and asking us if we needed anything. Iadmit it, I love food (and I was missing dinner), so I called out to him, “Before you leave, can I have the chocolates that you were going to put on my pillow?” He set the chocolates on a ledge by the door before leaving. My boyfriend burst out laughing and said something, “What a life. I get to fuck you while you have another man bringing you chocolates.”

1. What was the last movie you saw in a theater? Quantum of Solace
2. What is your favorite movie theater snack? Popcorn, extra butter
3. Have you ever snuck in ‘outside’ food into a theater? Of course, hasn’t everyone? Growing up, the closest theater didn’t actually sell food, but outside food was still prohibited. So everyone brought in outside food. Once I tried to sneak in a chocolate ice cream cone in a very loose pocket. It didn’t work so well. Now I’m more likely to sneak in my own water.
4. Have you ever made out in a theater? I dated a movie theater manager, so I’m sure I have though I don’t really remember it.
5. What is the ‘farthest’ you have gone in a theater? Again, no specific memories, but I’m sure it would have been with my boyfriend the theater manager. I lost my virginity to him (at home in bed!), so I’m sure there was some inappropriate fondling while hanging out in his office. Actually in a theater while a movie was playing, probably nothing more than some touching over the clothes. I actually go to the theater to watch the films!

Bonus (as in optional): What is one of your favorite movie sex scene? (I assume we’re talking about mainstream R-rated movies.) Anything from 9 1/2 weeks.

Sub 1 meets Dom 1 and thinks he’s everything she’s been looking for. Sure, he has a few flaws, but doesn’t anyone. Within a few months, they’ve said, “I love you,” and start talking about the idea of moving in with one another and eventually getting married. But there’s no rush, no sense of urgency (even though, separately, each feels some urgency at different times). They talk about vacations they want to take, places they want to visit, things they want to do together. Dom 1 has a big, important job that takes him to many places in the world. Sometimes he brings Sub 1 with him, but often he’s forced to cancel plans, or reschedule. Apologies and flowers inevitably follow. Sub 1 loves the idea of the life they dream about, but the realities of their day-to-day life is a bit more difficult. She spends long stretches of time without him. She’s sometimes forced to be independent, but sometimes she finds herself being a third wheel with her friends when Dom 1 is away. But she is the supportive girlfriend. She pushes when things get bad, and sometimes raises a fuss. But she also does all she can to support him in his job and with his family. Then Sub 1 learns that Dom 1 lied to her. Their relationship cannot go on. Their life together is over.

Sub 2 meets Dom 2 and thinks he’s everything she’s been looking for. Sure, he has a few flaws, but doesn’t anyone. Within a few months, they’ve said, “I love you,” moved in together and talk about eventually getting married. But there’s no rush, no sense of urgency (even though, separately, each feels some urgency at different times). They take travel extensively together. Dom 2 has a big, important job that takes him to many places in the world, and he often brings Sub 2 with him. Sub 2 loves their day-to-day life is a bit more difficult, even though they have to spend short stretches of time apart because of his job. But she is the supportive girlfriend. She pushes when things get bad, and sometimes raises a fuss. But she also does all she can to support him in his job and with his family. Then Sub 2 learns that Dom 2 lied to her. Their relationship cannot go on. She must move out, and find a new home. Their life together is over.

Answer & discuss: Would you rather be Sub 1 or Sub 2? is Sub 1 in the worse situation because she’s suffered while he was gone? Is Sub 2 in the worse situation because she was living with him?

And what would you say if Dom 1 and Dom 2 were the same person, and these events overlapped?

1. When did you last use your cellular telephone as a flashlight? Seriously, this is not “too much information.” This is really ITNOGASA. (Information that no one gives a shit about.) Um, never. But who cares?

2. On a scale from 1-10, how comfy are you being naked? Alone or with my significant other: 10 (assuming that 10 is the most comfortable). In front of female friends: 5. In public situations: 3.

3. What is the longest you’ve ever been celibate after having lost your virginity? Assuming celibate is being defined as “no sex with a partner with penetration,” probably about 2 years.

4. Have you ever had sex in a car? If yes, since you were a teenager? Penetration? Never. Blow jobs? Probably, but I can’t remember when.

5. When did you last use food or drink as medication? A couple hours ago.

1. Have you ever had a moving violation? An auto accident? That was your fault? Yes, I’ve had a couple (2-3) speeding tickets in my life, but all were within the first couple years after I got my license. I’ve been in two accidents. The first (when I was in my teens) was my fault. The second (a couple years ago) was someone else’s fault.
2. Have you ever voted? How old was your were you the first time you voted? Yes, many times. I was 18 the first time I voted.
3. Are you glad this election cycle is over? I’m not so much glad as I am excited. Like a lot of people, this campaign (and the last few years) have gotten me invigorated about the prospect of change. I’m looking to new beginnings.
4. Do you have guilty pleasure? What is it (or are they)? Yes, many. To name just a few: Chocolate. Staying home to read a good book. Spending too much time on the internet. Great wine.

5. What is the most embarrassing thing you have done recently? I’m not ashamed to admit to my embarrassments, but nothing comes to mind.
Bonus: How much impact has the Wall Street and general economic wilt had on you? From a business perspective, it’s actually been beneficial. From a investment standpoint, I’ve been hit as hard as anyone who’s heavily invested in the stock market.

A few years ago, I lost three dear people in a matter of months. Each was, in ways, a father-figure to me, though none were related to me by blood or marriage. Illness cut short each of their lives. One died suddenly of a heart attack. One was diagnosed with cancer and died just a few weeks later. And the third fought cancer for nearly a year before it took his life.

But because each of those men were decades older than me, I was  able to take their passings in stride. I mourned the loss. I mourned their absence. I mourned that they should have many more years to spend with their families and friends. But my heart really went out to their families. I mourned the families losses, because it was and is their family who suffers the most.

But it wasn’t until earlier this year that I lost someone close to me who was my own age. His death seemed more premature. Death in your 40s seems much more unfair than death in your 70s.

Death touched me again this week. And again.

On Monday I learned about the death of an acquaintance. While we’d met on a couple occasions, I primarily knew her from afar. She lived an admirable life, but when I learned that she’d died–in her early 40s, leaving a husband and two yound children–it seemed unfair. This woman was strong, devout and dedicated to helping others. She’d successfully beaten cancer–or so it seemed–when an infection struck her down.

As this week has progressed, my mind keeps returning to thoughts of her death. They say God acts in mysterious ways, but I had a hard time understanding how God could take someone who was doing so much good. How can disease strike someone who’s so young and has so much more to accomplish in this world?

More difficult news arrived today. When I was least expecting it, I got word that a childhood friend died on Monday. Apparently she’d suffered from a brain tumor, was considered a survivor, then came out of remission.

S was my best friend for years until my family relocated. We continued to trade letters and periodically see one another before losing touch during college. Although we hadn’t spoken in years, I’d get irregular updates usually filtered through my mother. My Mom traded Christmas cards with S’s parents. S’s older sister was friends with the daughter of another of my family’s friends. News came in bits and pieces. I knew she’d graduated and gotten married, but not much more than that. I didn’t know she was childless. I didn’t know she worked in the same industry as I once worked. I didn’t know she was a passionate volunteer. I didn’t know she still was active in church, though I have fond memories of times that we spent at church together as young girls.

Just recently I was Googling out-of-touch friends. I Googled S, and found a few sites that mentioned her. Given that she lived nearby, I was surprised to see that she wasn’t signed up to attend her high school reunion. I came across a few sites that mentioned people who shared her name. Was she the author, the psychologist, the museum director, the attorney? I didn’t think so, but I didn’t know. Surely she wasn’t the person who graduated from high school in the 1970s (when we were still young). She wouldn’t be the person who was mentioned as a cancer-survivor. That couldn’t be her who was mention in several church’s prayer requests. (How odd that I didn’t make the connection, even though one such church was located in our childhood home town. “But that church is a different denomination,” I though, “It couldn’t be her.”)

When I Googled her, I stumbled across her email address. Perhaps I should email her, I thought. Wouldn’t she be surprised to hear from me? But then a bit of shyness set in. What would I say, after all of these years? No rush, I decided, we could reconnect when we’re older, and have fewer demands on our time. Now I regret not doing it, though I rationally know she probably started to slip away several weeks ago, and my message may not have reached her.

I always treasure the memories we shared. Although I haven’t seen in more than 20 years, I’ve still aways thought of her in the present tense. We didn’t interact with one another, but I still believed that those ties of friendship would endure. It sadness me to know that I missed the chance to reconnect with one of my childhood best friends.