My Prince Will Come?

Are my expectations too high?

I’ve said it before: I refuse to settle. I’ve dated men who were terrific–and where we both worked hard at the relationship–but something has always been missing. I realize no relationship is perfect. Trust me, I wouldn’t have worked so hard to make each and every of my past relationships succeed if I thought relationships had to be perfect. But on the flip side, I also realize I have high expectations. (At the risk of sounding like a snob, I realize every time I see someone with some huge character flaws–the kind of things that would be dealbreakers for many people–who have not only been married once, but married two, three and four times.)

What do I expect from a partner? In only some particular order:

1. He must be dominant.
2. We must share most of the same moral, ethical and religious values.
3. He must be at least spiritual, but preferably religious, with a Chistian, Jewish or Muslim faith background.
4. He has to be attractive–to me. (Yes, it’s a matter of personal preference. Brad Pitt is good looking, but I don’t find him to be attractive. There’s a difference.)
5. He must have a healthy relationship with his family. (Is there anyone who ever says, “I want a man who has an unhealthy relationship with his family? :grin:)
6. We should have similar attitudes toward finances. (Meaning, he has little or no credit card debt, he’s planned for his financial future, he’s fiscally prudent and responsible, but he also understands that for life to be fun and enjoyable, you sometimes have to spend a little money.)
7. He must have a college education, and probably has an advanced degree.
8. He makes more money than me. (I struggle with the idea of submitting to a man who makes less money than me.)
9. He enjoys great food and a good bottle of wine.
10. He doesn’t abuse drugs. (I experimented at points in my life, and don’t hold it against other people who have also experimented, but I also know that a drug addiction can consume much of a person’s time, attention and energy. I prefer to be number one. :grin:)
11. My heart leaps every time I catch sight of him. (Ok, maybe not every time, but most of the time!)
12. He’s a romantic, and cherishes the idea that I want to be swept (literally and figuratively) off of my feet.
13. He’s athletic.
14. He’s a good communicator, and is happy to share his feelings, and initiate conversations, even when they might be difficult.
15. He loves to travel.
16. He’s well-read.
17. He loves children and animals.
18. He gives of himself: To family, to friends, to the less privledged.
19. He knows how to have a disagreement, but he’s also willing to consider other view points.
20. He’s a bit of a guy’s guy.
21. He has a good sense of humor.
22. He’s generous.
23. He’s a gentleman.
24. He appreciates a woman who takes the time to look good for him!
25. He’s probably an executive in a white-collar position.
26. He gets along with his ex’s (or, at the very least, don’t bash/badmouth them).
27. He believes that D/s is about romance, not just about kinky sex.
28. But we share some (most?) kinks.
29. He’s mature, but he still has a boyish side to him.
30. He usually has a calm demeanor, and doesn’t fly off the handle.
31. He’s fairly modest.
32. He cares about earning the respect of people around him.
33. He is kind.
34. He’s cultured, and enjoys some of the finer things in life.
35. He’s rather spend a long weekend exploring a new city than camping under the stars.
36. But he can understand the attraction of sometimes camping under the stars.
37. He’s adventurous–in most aspects of life–but he’s also realistic and thoughtful.
38. He’s trustworthy.
39. He goes out of his way to help people.
40. When he enters my life, he’s probably going to make an immediate, positive impression.
41. He’s compassionate.
42. He’s monogamous.
43. He has high expectations–of himself and his partner.
44. He doesn’t easily give his heart to another person, but when he does, he gives it his all.

So tell me: As a 30something submissive woman who’s living in the big city, am I expecting too much when I say that I’m looking for a man with these qualities? It may go without saying, but I’ll say it nonetheless: In most instances, I have compatible or symbiotic qualities to offer my partner. At the risk of sounding immodest, I think I have a lot to offer. But, by the same token, that’s probably why my expectations are high.

Do you know anyone who might be a good match?

100 Things

1.       Although I live in a major city, I can’t see a single building when I look out my window.

2.       My favorite non-alcoholic beverage is water.

3.       My favorite hot beverage is decaf green tea.

4.       My favorite alcoholic beverage is wine.

5.       I don’t drink much hard alcohol, but love Campari & orange juice when it’s hot outside.

6.       My Grandmother is my hero.

7.       I attended four high schools.

8.       As a teenager, I lived in Europe, Asia and the United States.

9.       I’ve flown around the world.

10.   I was a bit of a club kid before I was even old enough to get a driver’s license.

11.   I am the oldest child.

12.   I am right-handed.

13.   I have brown eyes.

14.   I have brown hair.

15.   People tell me that my lips and eyes are my best feature.

16.   I’ve always hated my eyes.

17.   I have a 32DD chest.

18.   I’m a gourmet cook.

19.   I rarely eat beef, lamb and pork.

20.   I consider myself a sometimes vegetarian.

21.   I once thought about becoming a nutritionist.

22.   I love junk food!

23.   I’ve owned dogs, cats, fish, hamsters and horses.

24.   Examples of animals having feelings and emotions will make me cry.

25.   As a child I regularly read a book a day, and even today I can read several books a week.

26.   I graduated from a sometimes Top 10 university, though it was only a Top 20 when I went there.

27.   I only have an undergraduate degree, and resent the fact that I didn’t get an MBA when my friends did.

28.   I wasn’t in a sorority, but always wished I was.

29.   I lost my virginity at age 19.

30.   I’ve never been collared.

31.   I originally thought I was dominant before getting in touch with my kinky side.

32.   I’ve never revealed my kinky side to any of my vanilla friends.

33.   I have one female friend who is also submissive.

34.   When I was in college, more than once I was called a “bitch” by men who got shot down with they tried to hit on me.

35.   I think I’m pretty approachable, and put people at ease in conversation.

36.   I am only in touch with one friend who I’ve known since preschool.

37.   I no longer talk to two of my closets post-college friends, and I’m not sure why.

38.   I wear nothing but panties when I go to bed.

39.   I moved 10 times by the age of 21.

40.   I’ve only moved once since I turned 22.

41.   I’ve Googled most of my close friends, crushes, ex-boyfriends and people who I know but dislike.

42.   If the grocery store is offering a tasty sample, I’ll walk by twice.

43.   My first concert was Wham!

44.   My last concert was Aimee Mann.

45.   As a teen, I had a crush on George Michael.

46.   As an adult, I have crushes on Dean Cain and Josh Duhamel.

47.   I have eaten the same breakfast for years.

48.   I’m a Tivo junkie.

49.   I can’t stand the sight of blood, and get light-headed at the doctor’s office.

50.   I have a few things I’d like to “fix” but can’t imagine ever getting plastic surgery.

51.   I’ve never broken a bone.

52.   I’ve won awards for my volunteer work.

53.   I sometimes worry that my biological clock is ticking.

54.   I’d describe myself as frugal, but I have some expensive tastes.

55.   When I travel, I regularly fly business class or first class.

56.   Most of my disposable income is spent on gourmet meals and cooking ingredients, and wine.

57.   I love chocolate.

58.   I do not eat—or even own—ketchup.

59.   I dislike sandwiches.

60.   Both of my parents are terrific cooks.

61.   I’ve never been married…

62.   …or even engaged.

63.   I always imaged I’d be married by the time I was in my late 20s.

64.   I believe in God.

65.   I’ve belonged to a mainline Christian church since I was a child.

66.   I don’t go to church very often these days, but I frequently think about going!

67.   For more than 25 years, I’ve said the same prayer before falling asleep each night.

68.   I believe in predestination.

69.   I am very sentimental.

70.   I am moderately superstitious.

71.   I rarely read my horoscope.

72.   I’ve never been to a professional football game.

73.   I regularly go to college football games.

74.   This is my first blog.

75.   I’ve been paid for my writing in other publications.

76.   I do my own income taxes.

77.   I have a fear of heights.

78.   I live alone.

79.   If left alone overnight in someone’s home other than my own, I’ll search under the beds, behind the drapes and in the closets to make sure no one is hiding in the house.

80.   I have no trouble falling asleep alone in my own home.

81.   I have an insatiable curiousity.

82.   One of my favorite classic movies is “Mame” (and not the musical version!).

83.   I’ve told three men that I love them.

84.   Only one man has told me that he’s loved me.

85.   Sometimes I think I’m scared to open my heart to loving someone else for fear of being hurt.

86.   Both of my parents are still alive.

87.   I tell my parents and relatives, “I love you” before hanging up the phone because I don’t want to regret *not* telling them should something happen before we talk again.

88.   I’m very conscientious and rarely lose things.

89.   I like to play Craps.

90.   I still own three stuffed animals that I’ve had since I was an infant.

91.   In college, I subscribed to Playgirl and told my roommate that a friend had sent it to me as a gag gift.

92.   I’ve never kissed a woman, but as a child, I often played “doctor” with a female friend.

93.   I have one ex-boyfriend with whom I still have sex.

94.   I once went 18 months without having sex with a (then) boyfriend.

95.   I have difficulty coming without a vibrator on my clit.

96.   I’ve only come during sex with two men.

97.   I have an easier time coming while giving a blow job.

98.   I love sex, even though I haven’t had a lot of it.

99.   I love giving blow jobs, and have given a lot of them.

100.   At least two of my ex-boyfriends have told me they still fantasize about my blowjobs when masturbating.

D/s? D/s!

When I started tagging posts as “D/s” I didn’t realize that it has a different meaning to some people. Apologies if you’ve stumbled across this blog while searching for the latest and greatest in the world of video games. Ooops.

You Won’t Find It Here

I love to look at the list of search terms that brought people to my blog…

all purpose summer skirt  Sorry, I probably can’t help you. (But I noticed you looked twice just to make sure.)

largest Lips of the vulva  Can’t say I’ve written about those (and make no claim to having them), but I’m certain you’ll find a website out there that has written about it!

hot things  I can’t imagine you were actually looking for a submissive dating blog with this search, but that’s what you found. (And you must have liked it, since you looked at a couple pages.)

she is a submissive masturbator  I don’t really think of the act of masturbating as being particularly dominant or submissive, but the fantasies I have while masturabating certainly are submissive!

im submissive, can I ever be dominant  Embrace your submissive side! You’ll find my stories of exploring my dominant side, but it only took a few moments of exploration to discover that it wasn’t for me.

women who love smelly cocks  That’s definitely not a turn-on. (But I noticed you stuck around to look a little!)

submissive date  Now that’s one I can relate to!

Is Everyone on Vacation?

I’ve been blogging by proxy over the past week. I had several posts that went live at scheduled intervals while I enjoyed some rest and relaxation away from the Internet. Today, for the first time in a week, I got online to check my stats, and I see that the number of visitors to my blog has declined steadily over the last week. I usually only see that pattern when I don’t post regularly.

Is the world on vacation this week?

These Are a Few of My Favorite Things

I love my Smartballs. Some compare these to ben wa balls, which is an accurate comparison. It’s two interconnected balls, which almost look like a figure 8. Within each silicone ball is a second ball that rolls around as you move. Smartballs are about the diameter of an average cock (or maybe a little thicker), so I love to slip one or both into my pussy while masturbating.

Although a lot of people have (and love!) the Hitachi Magic Wand, I own a Wahl Coil, which does a great job. One advantage it has over the Hitachi is that the Wahl has removable attachments. When I want to hit my g-spot, the curved g-spot attachment is amazing! The model I have (which is probably 5 years old) has two speeds, and the low speed is very intense. I rarely, if ever, turn it on high for direct clit stimulation.

A good bullet vibe is a must-have in my book. I need a lot of clitorial stimulation to orgasm, and often it cna be difficult to hold a bigger vibrator on my clit when in some chest-to-chest positions. The bullet vibe is much easier to hold on my clit. (Unfortunately, this isn’t the exact bullet vibe I use, and I can’t seem to find my favorite online any more. I hope it’s still being manufactured because it’s the perfect combo of intense vibrations in a relatively quiet machine.)

Rechargable batteries are a must! If you have a fondness for battery-operated vibrators, or if you own a digital camera, rechargeable batteries will save a ton of money (and help the environment). I own a charger that holds both AA and AAA batteries, and now use them in all of my remote controls, toys, electric razors and cameras.

What are a few of your favorite things?

Stolen…

1. Height? 5’4″

2. Have you ever smoked heroin? Never!

3. Do you own a gun? Nope

4. Do you get nervous before “meeting the parents”? Yes, but parents seem to love me

7. What’s your favorite Christmas song? I love Christmas songs! Do I have to pick just one?

8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? Water, or green tea

9. Can you do push ups? Sure, is there anyone who can’t?

10. Is your bathroom clean? More or less

11. What’s your favorite piece of jewelry? An antique Rolex that was my Grandmother’s

12. Do you like painkillers? No, I’ll usually suffer for a few hours because I optimistically believe the pain will go away (and by the time I break down, it’ll be 5 times worse)

14. Do you have A.D.D.? If I was in elementary school today, I’d be diagnosed with it. When I was in elementary school most teachers accurately recognized that I learned a lot quicker than my classmates, and dealt with it appropriately

16. Middle Name? It starts with an E

17. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment?
     a. Why am I wasting my time watching the Big Brother feed?
     b. I should really head to the farmer’s market before it gets too late
     c. I want a cupcake

18. Name the last 3 things you bought in the last day:
    a. Lunch at Whole Foods
    b. A bag of M&Ms
    c. Shaving gel

19. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink:
    a. Water
    b. Green tea
    c. Wine

20. Dream car? A luxury convertible sportscar

21. Favorite Concert? Coachella was pretty awesome

22. Current worry? Finding the time to finishing a big project by Monday

23. Current hate? This weather

24. Favorite place to be? On a ship, sitting on my balcony and watching the seemingly-endless ocean pass me by

25. Least favorite place to be? Standing in line

26. Where would you like to go? Everywhere I haven’t been before

27. Do you own slippers? No

28. What shirt are you wearing? A green cotton t-shirt

29. Do you burn or tan? I try to avoid both! But usually I burn first, then tan.

30. Favorite color? It depends on the context, but I love shades of purple (on my walls, in my clothing, on my slowly fading bruises)

31. Would you be a pirate? Uh, no thanks!

33. What songs do you sing in the shower? Nothing, actually.

34. What did you fear was going to get you at night as a child? Something hiding in my closet, or under my bed. (I’m not sure if I ever visualized it.)

35. What’s in your pocket right now? Nothing

36. Last thing that made you laugh? A funny email I got from a guy on Bondage.com

37. Best bed sheets as a child? Holly Hobby

38. Worst injury you’ve ever had? I’m a bit of a baby when it comes to pain (and fortunately haven’t hurt myself much)…a scraped knee that scarred, a minorly burned hand, a pulled back.

40. How many TVs do you have in your house? two

41. Who is your loudest friend? Gary

42. Who is your most silent friend? Leo

43. Does someone have a crush on you? I hope so!

44. Do you wish on shooting stars? Yes, but I infrequently see them because I live in the big, bright city.

45. What is your favorite book? I’ve read a couple hundred books in the last few years alone. (I keep a list.) It’s hard to narrow it down to just one.

46. What is your favorite candy? Right now, a Vosges Barcelona Bar (milk chocolate with pieces of smoked almonds and sea salt).

47. What song do/did you want played at your wedding? Joan Armatrading’s “Heaven”

48. What song do you want played at your funeral? Oh, there’s this hymn that I’ve heard played at several funerals, and I love it…I really should find out what it’s called.

49. What were you doing 12 AM last night? Getting settled into bed

50. If you were stranded on an island what would you want? A survival guide

Sixth Time’s a Charm?

I’ve posted five or six ads on Craigslist in the last couple years. I keep a file of the different ads, all of which describe what I’m looking for, but each is written in a different style. I also have a file of each profile I’ve posted on the various BDSM dating websites. These ads show the progression of my thinking and attitudes toward D/s. I read some of the things I wrote in the early days, and I sometimes amazed at how much my approach and thinking has changed. But I like to keep these old ads and profiles on hand, because often there’s a phrase or description I particularly like, and might want to use again.

The analytical side of me likes to informally track how my Craigslist ads do. If I write a new one and the response is lackluster–or the men who do respond are far from what I’m looking for–I’ll take down the ad and replace it with another one. I recently posted a new ad–one I wrote from scratch, which contains few, if any, phrases or descriptions from past ads. Fundamentally, I’m still looking for the same qualities in a man, and I still describe myself in a similar fashion, but the overall theme is subtly different.

The response has been great.

In addition to saving ads, I also save every response I’ve ever received from an ad. Ah, the glories of unlimited Gmail capacity. 😀 If I get an email that sounds interesting, I’ll often search my files to see if the person has responded to a past ad. In some instances, I don’t even bother to read the emails–as soon as I see who it’s from, I file away because I know I have no interest in the individual. (These are usually men who I’ve gone out on a date with, and upon meeting them I realized they misrepresented themselves.)

My newest ad has drawn a significant response from men who have never previously responded to one of my ads. So I must have done something right in this version. How it ultimately turns out remains to be seen. The ad hasn’t been up long enough for me to fully gauge the response, nor have I had a chance to respond to a single email. But I have about 15 messages that may merit further conversation.

Of course, there were some oddities, annoyances and morons.

• I got my first email from an African scammer. I’ve heard that the Nigerians and others prey on people through the online dating sites, but I’d never run into any. You’ll be happy to know that Lazare from Camaroon wants to be my boyfriend! I never thought I would be so lucky.
• A photo tip: Don’t send a picture of yourself, where, visible in the background, is a framed photo of a some girl in a bikini. I’m guessing she isn’t your sister, or your mom! Oh, and a a shot-glass collection does not really qualify as home decor.
• Yeah, right! Gotta love the “dominants” who send a two-sentence email ordering you to send your picture to them IMMEDIATELY, and then they’ll give you their picture, and tell you more about themselves. Oooohhhh…I swoon when I read your note, because you’re obviously a true dominant man. And then, I click the delete button. (Well, I actually file it away in my “no match” folder, but it sounds more dramatic to say that I delete it.)
• Another photo tip: If someone says they’re looking for a partner who’s fit, athletic and/or height/weight proportionate, you probably don’t want to send a photo that shows your triple chins.
• Yeah, right (part 2)! Then there was a guy who asked me to read a particular book in the next couple days so we’d have something to discuss on our first book. Um, yeah…I’ll get right on that. (And that was the entirety of his note to me.)
• Not only was he 10 years younger than me (which is a hard limit for me), but then he suggests, “I would love to make out, and see where things go from there.” (You mean, you’d love to see if I go home with you after we make out?) Sorry, I don’t do “make out” first dates. At least, I haven’t since I was in college.
• Or what about the guy who sends me an email that says (in its entirety), “Your profile it too long. I couldn’t read it all. Please respond.” My apologies. I understand that the three minutes you might spend reading my profile will certainly cut into the time you have available this weekend to read “War & Peace.” I’ll keep my response short and sweet: NO.
• I say a lot of things in my profile, but what to do with the man who emails me and quotes from something I didn’t say in my profile (and have never said–period)? There’s nothing like a cut-and-paste email.
• what about the guy who doesn t use punctuation or believe in periods at the end of sentences and capital letters at the beginning of sentences fortunately those guys usually write very short notes i don t know that i could deal with a longer note because it would give me a headache to try to decipher the message though those guys never seem to have much to say anyway thank goodness

That Felt Cathartic

Sometimes it helps to just write about it, and get my emotions out. For a couple weeks now, I was just hoping for a sign. And I got one, even if it wasn’t the sign I was hoping for.

Maybe I’ll write a post about all of the men I’ve (thought) I loved, and why I now know we weren’t a good match. It might serve as a good reminder that broken hearts do heal.

Sometimes I Hate Myself

Sometimes I hate myself. I hate myself for being vulnerable. I hate myself for being trusting. I hate myself for opening up. I hate myself for caring so much. I hate myself for being honest. I hate myself for not being more skeptical. I hate myself for being forgiving. I hate myself for loving.

Because it hurts so much more when you fall.

I let a man into my heart. I told him I wanted to take things slowly. I believed the things he said to me. I ignored some of the warning signs. I trusted him with my feelings. I let myself imagine a life together. I let myself be seduced. I looked at pictures of his home and family, and envisioned being a part of that. I couldn’t imagine being more compatible with him. I put myself into his hands. I thought he felt the same way.

Then he disappeared.

No advance warning. No apology. No explanation. No response to my calls and emails.

I worried that something happened to him. I wondered if he’d reappear after a few days with an apology, and sweet, soft words of comfort. I held out cords of hope that grew thinner with each passing day. I worried that I’d done something to hurt him.

But he’s gone.

I cry. I ache. I rage. I mourn. I hurt. I’m pissed. I’m regretful. I’m angry. I’m sad. I’m confused.

How is it so easy for some to find love? Why do some of us look, open our hearts and just get hurt? Am I too gullible? Too demanding? Too picky? Too cute? Too ugly? Too dumb? Too smart? Too short? Too tall? Too happy? Too sad? Too quiet? Too talkative? Too good in bed? Too bad in bed? Too submissive? Too dominant? Too old? Too young? Too liberal? Too conservative? Too passive? Too aggressive? Too emotional? Too distant? Too close? Too far? Too happy? Too sad? Too optimistic? Too pessimistic? Too thin? Too fat?

I have no answers. I just know how I feel. I think, “I’ll never find someone more compatible.” I tell myself, “You were too good for him.” I remember that I’ve felt this way before. I know that the hurt does fade. I know that I have something special to offer. I just need to be patient. I will love again. I just need to keep repeating that.

That Was 15 Minutes of My Life That I’ll Never Have Back…

…and it isn’t even accurate!

The Everything Test

There are many different types of tests on the internet today. Personality tests, purity tests, stereotype tests, political tests. But now, there is one test to rule them all.

Traditionally, online tests would ask certain questions about your musical tastes or clothing for a stereotype, your experiences for a purity test, or deep questions for a personality test.We’re turning that upside down – all the questions affect all the results, and we’ve got some innovative results too! Enjoy 🙂

Personality You are more logical than emotional, more concerned about others than concerned about self, more atheist than religious, more dependent than loner, more workaholic than lazy, more traditional than rebel, more engineering mind than artistic mind, more cynical than idealist, more follower than leader, and more introverted than extroverted.As for specific personality traits, you are romantic (100%), outgoing (100%), intellectual (74%), greedy (67%).

Stereotypes Prep 92% Young Professional 70% Punk Rock 67%

Life Experience Sex 38% Substances 38% Travel 68%

Politics Your political views would best be described as Liberal, whom you agree with around 71% of the time.

Socioeconomic Your attitude toward life best associates you with Middle Class. You make more than 95% of those who have taken this test, and 41% more than the U.S. average.

If your life was a movie, it would be rated PG-13. By the way, your hottness rank is 60%, hotter than 46% of other test takers.

TAKE THE TEST
brought to you by thatsurveysite

Snap Judgments

Recently I “met” a guy on Alt who described himself as dominant. His photo was attractive, and he was well spoken. Based on our fetish checklists, it seemed as if we would be a good match. Then he told me what he did for a living, and my hopes were dashed. You see, when I envision myself with a dominant man, I don’t just take into consideration how he treats me. The fact is, I look at the whole package. And call me superficial, but I just can’t envision myself with a dominant many who’s an actor in a children’s theater group. It’s not that I think he’s submissive. But when he’s acting tough and in a domly mood, I fear that I’d picture him dressed up as Barney and lose all respect for him!

So that got me to thinking…Are there some professions that are inheriently more dominant than others?

The Proust Questionnaire

Stolen from Vanity Fair…

What is your idea of perfect happiness?
Sitting in an outdoor cafe a Campo di Fiore in Rome, enjoying a glass of wine with my true love while people watching, and knowing we’re heading back to our home to have delicious sex.

What is your greatest fear?
That’s I’ll never find my true love, or that I’ve found him and lost him.

What’s the Secret?

I’ve written before of my frustrations with BDSM dating. In my post-college life, I’ve been in several long-term relationships, ranging from 9 months to 6 years. In between relationships, it’s taken anywhere from 6 months to a year before I’ve been ready to move on, and meet someone new. And I never really had any difficulty meeting great men.

Until I decided to limit myself to dating dominant men.