Beneath This Conservative Exterior…

If you saw me in a business meeting, I’d be comfortably talking to corporate executives. I’m dressed in a classically tailored business suit, nothing too loud or garish. It’s one of a dozen in my closet. Maybe it’s navy, or a black pinstripe, or a beige, or the three-piece knit suit that everyone mistakes for a St. John. Beneath my suit jacket, I’m likely to be wearing a sweater camisole, or a silk cami, but nothing too revealing. Lace trim isn’t appropriate in the business setting where I work. I might be wearing a single strand of pearls and matching earrings, or a simple gold choker. I adore shoes, and my footwear is likely to hint at the sexy edge that lies beneath my conservative exterior.

If you saw me at the grocery store, I’d look put together, even when I’m at my most casual. My hair’s pulled back into a ponytail, I’m my makeup looks natural–almost invisible. On a cool, early-summer day, I’m wearing a soft cotton tee, cargo-like capri pants, a jeans jacket and flip-flops. My purse is a small designer wristlet. My sunglasses are perched atop my head. My toes are pedicured, my fingernails are naked. My ears are adorned with a small pair of hoop earrings. My outfit is similar to that of a dozen other women in their early 30s who are also shopping for groceries. I wonder if any of them have been flogged recently?

If you saw me on a first date, I’d look sexy, but conservative. In warmer months I might gravitate toward a pair of linen pants and a silk camisole. (This time one with some lace trim.) Or perhaps a light and breezy summer skirt with a short-sleeved blouse. Sandals are the obvious choice to complete either outfit. During the winter I’m more likely to pair a cashmere sweater with a pair of tailored trousers or a wool skirt that stops just above the knee. (I’m petite, so it’s rare that I wear any skirts that go past my knee.) And shoes? Maybe a pair of mules or boots, depending on how cold it really is. A few pieces of jewelry–I always wear earrings and a watch, but will then supplement it with a ring, necklace or bracelets. And a purse, one that’s just big enough to hold my essentials. If you saw me sitting in at a table in bar or restaurant, sipping a glass of wine and enjoying the conversation with my date, you’d almost certainly assume I was very vanilla, had missionary-style sex and cringed when my boyfriend asked for a blowjob (but gave him one on a monthly basis out a sense of obligation, and never let him kiss me after he went down on me “because I don’t like that, honey”).

If you saw me staring into my closet trying to piece together a slutty or fetish outfit, I’d be wearing my go-to short-short black skirt, a pair of black thigh highs, a thong, a push-up bra, and trying on top after top, whining periodically, and growing ever more frustrated that my wardrobe is decidedly lacking in fetish and slutty. (Or should I say, fetish and/or slutty that can be worn outside the door to my house. If I don’t have to get dressed beyond bra, panties, garter, stockings, bustier and/or shoes, I’m set.) I can put together one schoolgirl outfit and a couple all-purpose all-black outfits. And I have one blouse that I consider slutty because it’s silk, it’s fitted and particularly tight through the chest, and the buttons have a tendency to pop open. It obviously doesn’t work well at business meetings. But fetish clothing doesn’t make someone kinky, does it?

A conservative exterior is more than simply clothes, of course. I also have a polite and conservative demeanor. (And, of course, I do not mean conservative in the political sense.) I try to be polite to everyone, whether it’s the cashier at the bookstore or panhandler asking me for money. The old ladies in my condo stop me to talk; they want my opinion on whether our board is acting wisely and if I like the landscaping. My friends would tell you I’m the one they depend on in times of need. Though don’t get me wrong–I’m never boring. I’m well-read, I can discuss dozens of topics at length, and have well reasoned opinions. My hobbies are interesting. People find me fun and exciting to be around. But they’d never guess that beneath this conservative exterior lies a submissive, erotic, kinky interior that’s craving to be controlled and dominated.