Saying Goodbye

I said goodbye to you tonight. It was something I’d never imagined, because in my mind you were immortal. It shook me to my core to learn that wasn’t the case. I saw so many old, familiar faces. The only one that was missing was yours. Though you were certainly present in our memories. “Remember when…?” “Can you believe…?” “Don’t you miss…?” But the biggest question was the one for which we have no answers: Why? Why did you want to kill yourself? Didn’t you see any other possible solutions? How could you not have realized that we all loved you, cared for you, would have given an arm and a leg to help you?

I hate that we had to reunite under these circumstances. I wish we could have been celebrating a birth or wedding or anniversary. Anything but a death. Anything but your death.

RIP RJN.